We sat down, on the cold hard floor, desperately trying to "mug" for the upcoming O'levels Examination. Clearly, i could not focus because of her.( "Her"? Oh well, its just my crush for the past 8 years or so.) I was in a dilemma, confused whether i should express my oppressing feelings for her. She sat there, looking around, fumbling with her phone, messing with her ruler (.....), not focusing as well, due to having a short attention span. "This isn't productive learning!" She said. I kept myself mum. I wanted to step in, just giving her some work or clarifying some doubts she have about the Physics subject, but i was afraid. I fear that such trivial act would arouse suspicion in her, indirectly allowing her to think (or know) that i'm actually fond of her. I fear that such, would shun her away from me, that i would lose a friend just like that.
We walked down the route to the train station, her with her earpiece on. I decided to initiate. "So, anyone invited you out for prom?" She looked forward, not giving me a single glance and replied, "I don't get why boys ask girls out for prom. I mean, its just a dinner right?" (*That is literally not answering my question). I didn't react in any way, just walk as per usual...
Me,being a gentleman, decided to walk her home, since we lived just a stone's throw away from each other. Throughout the journey, i tried to talk, but clearly, she wasn't really interested in what i'm saying. One sentence that she said, in particular, pricked my heart. She said, "Haiz.. (sigh). I need someone to motivate me to study." Simple sentence right? NO! I actually felt pain. Well, I was thinking in my very brains, "Wow, i tried to ask you out countless times to study but yet you aren't motivated?" It was at that point in time that i realized that my feelings for her, were too deep. I tried my best but nothing paid off. Basically, my countless efforts weren't enough to at least make a slight impact on her, aka i'm useless in helping her from the very start. Again, i kept mum, while thoughts cycled in my mind. I told myself that its time i give up. "Let it go!" as the movie Frozen says, I wanted to simply put the pain down and move on, cause apparently, its impossible for us to even start, or i should say, i'm not her cup of tea. However, some place in my heart, the feelings would still reminiscence and the urge to tell her, "Hey i like you" exist...
Its just 5 more days to my final lap, Os but i'm actually thinking of this matter. Perhaps i should just ask her out for the last time to give her some tips and verbal encouragements. (However, the main question would still be, whether or not her parents would allow her to go out.)To be honest, I would never be able to see her after Os ever again, for various reasons which i don't bother explaining. To express my feelings or not to? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
We walked down the route to the train station, her with her earpiece on. I decided to initiate. "So, anyone invited you out for prom?" She looked forward, not giving me a single glance and replied, "I don't get why boys ask girls out for prom. I mean, its just a dinner right?" (*That is literally not answering my question). I didn't react in any way, just walk as per usual...
Me,being a gentleman, decided to walk her home, since we lived just a stone's throw away from each other. Throughout the journey, i tried to talk, but clearly, she wasn't really interested in what i'm saying. One sentence that she said, in particular, pricked my heart. She said, "Haiz.. (sigh). I need someone to motivate me to study." Simple sentence right? NO! I actually felt pain. Well, I was thinking in my very brains, "Wow, i tried to ask you out countless times to study but yet you aren't motivated?" It was at that point in time that i realized that my feelings for her, were too deep. I tried my best but nothing paid off. Basically, my countless efforts weren't enough to at least make a slight impact on her, aka i'm useless in helping her from the very start. Again, i kept mum, while thoughts cycled in my mind. I told myself that its time i give up. "Let it go!" as the movie Frozen says, I wanted to simply put the pain down and move on, cause apparently, its impossible for us to even start, or i should say, i'm not her cup of tea. However, some place in my heart, the feelings would still reminiscence and the urge to tell her, "Hey i like you" exist...
Its just 5 more days to my final lap, Os but i'm actually thinking of this matter. Perhaps i should just ask her out for the last time to give her some tips and verbal encouragements. (However, the main question would still be, whether or not her parents would allow her to go out.)To be honest, I would never be able to see her after Os ever again, for various reasons which i don't bother explaining. To express my feelings or not to? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
