Confused

Staring on my com, I keep thinking about what will happen. I know I don’t want that to happen but what could I freaking do? Knowing the consequences but not coming up with a solution b4 hand is like shiting without finding a toilet bowl b4hand. I’m not a good sweet-talker (is there such a word?) but at least I promise to make u happy. Apparently I can’t feel u being happy with me no more. I've been questioning my decision lately and asking myself whether I could really CONTROL it or just purely containing it. It’s so hurtful being this way. Anything that I do has no feelings and mood no more. It’s like getting penta kill on my heart, being dealt lots of damages, but cant showing it on the surface coz it feels retarded to u... haiz... I’m really confused.